Super Smize Me: ANTM (S13: E3)

Oh dear.  That’s all I have to say about this episode.  Perhaps admitting I watched it is bad enough.  But I did.  And oh dear.  Tyra gets crazier each episode.

The episode starts with the models traipsing down to Wilhelmina Models for a meeting with the president.  SURPRISE!  The model who had the worst meeting got eliminated.  This dubious distinction fell to Rachel, who eagerly told the prez that she did musical theatre.  Next question of course, will you sing something?  Anything?  ANYTHING?  She could not think of a single song to sing.  As Nigel gingerly put it, “She was lacking in the personality department.”  I would call her boring as hell.  Potato Pohtahto.  Or something.

In a horribly contrived photo shoot, some French photographer guy yelled at all the girls for being bad, before Tyra clad as a superhero sweeps into save the day by teaching the girls to smile with their eyes (her trademark apparently, which just looks squinty to me) or SMIZE.

She worked one on one with the girls to teach them to smize.  But the lesson didn’t end there.  She clad the girls in pink and purple catsuits with masks that covered everything but their eyes and had a SMIZE OFF.  (Ah yes, the great Smize Off of 2009.  We will look back on it fondly, I’m sure.)  Here we learn of Jennifer’s lazy eye, which makes it hard for her to smize without looking drunk.  (Sad but true.  How will she overcome this obstacle?  Tune in next week!)  The winners of the Smize Off got dinner with the Prez and the losers had to wash the dishes.  Funny how for Tyra there’s always a punishment.

For the photo shoot, the model wannabes went down to the Santa Anita race track to pose with a jockey (presumably the only prop they could find shorter than the models).  But jockeys are boring.  So Tyra had them take off their Jockeys (get it, like undies?) and pose nude.  Lauren exclaimed that she LOVES nudity and was very excited about it.  What a hippie.   Ashley, Jen, Courtney, and Bianca struggled to smize on top of their horses.  Bianca totally looked like a man in the long blonde wig they gave her.

But even though her picture sucked, they had to keep her around for the drama she creates in the house.  (Loading DIRTY dishes in the CLEAN dishwasher?  THE HORRORS!)  Rae had another strong shoot, as did Brittany (surprising as she hooched it up last episode).  Erin and Sundai also smized successfully (or so the judges said, I confess that after watching every single episode of all 13 cycles that I cannot tell when someone is smizing and when they are not.  Guess me and my 5’10” self will never be a model.  At least not on ANTM.  DEFINITELY not crazy enough.  Right, guys?  Right?)  Erin’s picture earned her the win this week, although I think Brittany’s was the best.  And since I have editorial discretion here, I’ll show you Brittany’s photo.

Brittany

Courtney got sent home for defeating herself during the shoot.  Although Bianca’s photo was a lot worse.

Courtney

Next to go?  Ashley.  Not sure why.  Other than I don’t remember who she is.  The boring tree gets the axe.  Except these are short models.  So more like shrub.

NB: I was feel snarky this afternoon as I reviewed this show.  But if you want more snark (I lose in the snark department to this blogger every time) and more in the genre of ‘awesomely bad shows,’ check out Bad TV for Embarrassed People.  A blog that will go on our blogroll as soon as we actually get around to making one.  One of these days I’ll actually get around to inviting people to become a fan of 2G1GTV on facebook.  I made the page and then got bored.  So if you’re on facebook, you could become a fan without me having to invite you and save me the work.  (nudge nudge)