Two Guys, a Girl and a TV Set

Three college friends out in the world, filling the void with television…and loving it.

“The Sexless Innkeeper”: How I Met Your Mother (S5: E4)

Posted by CJ Cregg on October 18, 2009

Plot Summary: Ted tries out a new professor vibe to pick up girls at the bar.  Barney labels him the “sexless innkeeper” because none of said girls will sleep with him.  Marshall and Lily tap Barney and Robin to be their double date couple.  But when they go over the top, Barney and Robin break up with them and then get jealous when they spend time with another couple.  Barney and Robin lure them back.

What we learn about the mother: Nothing.  Although Ted exclaims at the end, “I LOVE being single.”  So I wonder how much we’ll learn in the upcoming episodes.

Best moment: Barney presents a poem to Ted to describe the “sexless innkeeper,” which is basically a guy who has an apartment close to the bar, so the chic just wants a place to crash and not someone to hook up with.  Watch the Dickensian poem here:

Why is it Dickensian?  Duh. It’s a poem.

Ted responds after breaking the sexless streak with this poem:

‘Twas the night before this one
I had hours to kill
I sat in the tavern
grading parchments with quill

A busty young lassie
flashed me a grin
Her garb said classy
but her eyes whispered sin

She said, “you’re a teacher?”
I said, “yes indeed.”
“I must have you,” she moaned.
“I’m turned on by tweed!”

With haste we did scamper
to my chamber anon
Fell to the couch
and, bro, it was on.

I unlaced her bodice
our passions grew deeper
and thus ends the tale
of the sexless innkeeper.

Top three moments:

1) Ted debuts his new professor look at the bar.  When the question is posed as to why tweed usually has elbow pads, Barney replies: Because people who wear tweed spend most of their time doing this [he puts his head in his hand with his elbows on the table].  Ah, gee, why can’t I get laid?

2) Ted tries to pick up a girl at the bar by describing his professorly duties.  “Every time I see a grammatical mistake, I take a shot.  I’m really wasted right now.”

3) Barney and Robin are moping because Marshall and Lily have replaced them.  Ted walks into the apartment to find them on the couch eating ice cream right from the bucket.  Ted: Barney, are you wearing sweatpants?  Barney: Maybe.  But they’re Armani.


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