More Bounce in California: Real Housewives (S5:E1)
Posted by CJ Cregg on November 7, 2009
“It’s not how much money you have–it’s how good you look spending it.” –Lynne
“Just…keep it classy.” –Simon (them’s tall orders, sir!)
Welcome back to Orange County! Our five (soon to be six) fabulous first ladies are back on Bravo, and this promises to be an epic season.
Last season, Gretchen’s fiancee Jeff passed away from leukemia. Gretchen has a new boyfriend, none other than Slade. Slade has dated two other housewives, and she started dating him quite soon after Jeff’s death. In addition to the new boyfriend, Gretchen apparently fell in with a bad crowd, and there are naked pictures of her on the web. The other housewives are understandably appalled. She says she was “in a dark place” right after Jeff passed, but now she just thanks Jeff for bringing her Slade. (I don’t know what to make of Gretchen. She’s definitely my least favorite housewife.)
Lynne’s expanding her jewelry collection. And planning on getting a face lift. She tells Tamra not to tell anyone she’s going under the knife. (Umm, hello? You’re on national TV, my dear.)
Jeanna has fallen on tough times because she sells real estate and the market in the OC has collapsed. Apparently she asked Vicki to borrow money, but Vicki said no.
Tamra is struggling with her marriage. She says that she and Simon have a love/hate relationship. (“I love him and he hates me.”) Simon is controlling, and in the preview, Tamra says she thinks they’re headed for divorce.
By contrast, Vicki’s marriage has survived a shaky last season, and she says she and Donn are doing better.
Lynne decides she wants all the housewives to get together. She hosts a jewelry showing and dinner party to reunite all of the ladies. It’s SO insanely awkward because Tamra and Gretchen had a huge fight last season when Tamra accused Gretchen of cheating on Jeff. Jeanna tries to mediate when everything blows up, but it’s hopeless. (Jeanna was hilarious in this dinner scene, though. She basically just gave a play by play while stuffing her face.) Tamra and Gretchen end up screaming at each other and Tamra says Gretchen “preys on old men” and then always plays the victim. I’m not sure if all this stuff about Gretchen is true, but I’m definitely on Tamra’s side. There’s a dark side to Gretchen.
But sadly, I took the “which housewife are you?” quiz on Bravo, and it turns out I’m Gretchen. Probably because I checked that I love to be showered with gifts.
A huge blowout in the first episode? More than even I had hoped for. And we’re still waiting to meet the newest housewife.