Two Guys, a Girl and a TV Set

Three college friends out in the world, filling the void with television…and loving it.

Pretty Little Liars: Premiere Review

Posted by CJ Cregg on June 8, 2010

What are their secrets?

I’m going in to this with low expectations.  Really low.  Pretty sure this show is going to be horrible.  But I’m taking my blogging duties seriously and giving it a try.  You’re welcome, dear readers.

So this is a show based on a book series by Sara Shepard.  And it comes to us from the producers of the Vampire Diaries, one of the CW’s successes this year.

So, here’s what happened.  As far as I can tell.

Ali goes missing on a girls sleepover.  All of a sudden, it’s one year later when the professor’s daughter, Aria, returns home to Rosewood from a year away on her dad’s sabbatical.  The now four former friends have grown apart.  Aria picks up a guy at a bar, who ends up being her new English teacher.  She then gets a mysterious text about her hookup with Mr. Fitz, which she thinks is from Ali, as it is signed “A”.  Emily gets a mysterious note in her gym locker also signed “A”.  Spencer gets an email about wanting her sister’s boyfriends from “A”.  Hanna gets a text from this mysterious “A” after getting arrested for shoplifting.  However, at the end of the episode we learn that authorities have found Alison’s body and the town holds a funeral.

So far, they’re throwing a lot of information at us, and the story is lacking.  There are too many characters and too much going on: Ali went missing mysteriously, Aria meets a guy at a bar despite being 16, Aria feels guilty, something is weird at home with her and her dad, some of the girls are stealing stuff from the mall, they’ve grown apart over the year, and a new girl is moving in to Ali’s old house and smoking weed at the same time.  Oh, and bitchy engaged sister stole the barn-turned-loft that Spencer spent a whole summer renovating.  (Um, what?)

Our 4 living friends are brought together at the end trying to figure out if Alison told their secrets.  Whatever those are.  Something about the “Jenna thing.”  Jenna walks into the funeral at the end.  Blind.

There are predictable shots of glamorous clothes during the mall scene.  The secret texts from “A” are reminiscent of Gossip Girl.  Basically, what ABC Family did is throw together “teenage girl fantasies” of expensive clothes, scandals, and every other already-popular show.  The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants meets Gossip Girl.  In a bad way.  For example, we’re supposed to know the neighborhood is glamorous and rich because Emily’s mom sends over foie gras in the “welcome to the neighborhood” basket. When Spencer starts putting the moves on her sister’s fiance, I think, could this get any more predictable?  EVERY predictable teen storyline occurred in this episode, and in a REALLY bad way.  Shoplifting, eating disorders, expensive clothes, underage drinking, single parenthood, being in love with teachers, could it get any worse?  All in 42 minutes of television.  I’m overwhelmed.  Someone will get pregnant later this season, I’m sure.

Also, the acting sucks.

Also, Maya, the new girl, and Emily are totes gonna end up lesbians.  I’m calling that now.

Worst line ever from Hanna’s mom after she’s arrested for shoplifting: “I buy you everything you need to be popular.”

OK, even with my incredibly low expectations, this show is TERRIBLE.  I can think of nothing good to say about it.

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